From dirt, grows flowers

Never in my life have I expected grief or any type of pain to be a reoccuring thing, but it should be assumed I suppose. Ive never been good at handling these types of situations and I usually do the extreme in an attempt to get away from the feeling and its source.  I flee.  Im not sure why that is the case but it is my reaction and Im not sure why that is.

Ive never really understood the reaction I have towards certain situations and its just the way it goes. My life keeps on going and I dont know much about the reason I let things get to me, but it does. Maybe I care too much. Maybe I put my focus into things that dont deserve my attention. Who knows... I dont.

My life is an up and down type of flow and side to side for that matter. Ive never had full control, but who really does? I like to think I do, but again, its an illusion that we all enjoy. I miss things I shouldnt and I hate things I should miss... Its the human condition and there is not much we can do about unless we turn into to frogs.

Love, work, children, finances, travel, materialism, sex, alcohol, freedom. All of it is an illusion that we feed ourselves. None of it really is there or created we just like to trick ourselves into thinking that because there is nothing else that we can live for otherwise and that is a hard pill to swallow. We work, so much of our lives to do what, pay for the things we dont NEED. Food, shelter, water are needs. Comforts, education, entertainment are all wants... We can survive without.

Find what you live and do it full time. Be free to love and laugh and play and learn. Dont hold back, dont stiffle any part of yourself. Be good and keep on keeping on.

Peer Pressure and Alcohol

You never know the damage something can have until you have witnessed and analyzed the specifics of its destructive power yourself. The addage that absolute power corrupts absolutely comes to mind. Too much of something can usually be a bad thing. I speak most specifically to the destructive power of two things. Peer pressure and alcohol.

The promise of people liking you and wanting to spend more time around you can weaken your defenses, without you really knowing it. We all want to be liked and acknowledged for how great of individuals we think of ourselves to be. Peoples thinking of us, can drive us all to do irrational things and to put ourselves into situations that we would, in normal circumstances, try to avoid. Normally, you do not try to impress every stranger you see walking down the street, but when work dictates you conform to certain character traits to be one with the team, you do it, without thinking, unless you have already acknowledged the type of individual you already are. Sometimes the lost follow suit because there is no base line and they attach to anything that is easy.

Alcohol ties into this without skipping a beat. The social lubricant, I have also heard it mentioned. This "solution" is and has a true destructive force. I have faced this liquid demon myself and so have people I have known and loved. It is most dangerous when limits are not set for personal consumption. The safest way to consume is to set a personal limit each time you plan on going out to venues that serve these beverages. It doesnt have to be a number of drinks or a time constraint but a personal feeling. Especially, when around people you dont know. I have fought with alcoholism my whole adult life, and as we all do there are bumps in the road, with the understanding that with each bump I grow more in control and further from being out of control. Some people arent there. Some let the hook in the bottle decide there direction and decision making. This is a dangerous play, as alcohol will not lead you in a good direction, only down.

My point that I am trying to make is that if you are unaware of your personal capabilities or incapacities, decision making is an nearly impossible task to do properly because there is nothing guiding you. Taking control of peer pressure will alleviate the need for you to be liked by anyone and give you freedom and peace of mind in whatever situation you find yourself. Taking control of alcohol consumption will only help in the long run because of its ability to reduce decision making capacity and physical health will benefit from a more controled consumption.

These two methods of control can also make personal lives better because you do things for yourself but with the ability to see through these two forms of external control that are usually negative. It is choice, as is everything in life.

Im writing this from Hawaii at a time where a woman has chosen her newly made friends and work colleagues over me and I am feeling a cold shoulder and a lack of respect. Well, I made a decision and it blew up in my face. It happens, we cant always be right, but we can sure as hell try.

Introspection

It's hard to realize that you are the only person responsible for the demise of the current state of your life. When it sets in and it becomes reality, that is where the difficulty lies.  How did this happen? Why? What is the training behind It? Masochism, I feel is the simplest most directly relating answer. Emotional sabotage. Giving up... now this isn't a plea for help but simply my current state of introspection.

It's funny what familiarity and comfort will do to you. Sometimes it is fantastic, if it is certain to last for the long run. I feel as thogugh I am learning about myself and my flaws. I owe that to none but myself.

Water breeds life

On the edge of humanity, I sit floating over a world that we know less about than the universe. Submerged in a fluid world feared by many. As the hours pass and the moments turn to memories, one can only fathom to what extent this world will come to. We can't explain what the ocean does to us, only the scientific facts that links us. The salt content, the wavelength that mimics sound or light. What a beautiful, living body. The moon pulls on the oceans, as if inviting it to heavens. The sun evaporates it's waters inviting it closer. We ride on its power, trying to harness the energy. And we use it to transport ourselves and things to far away lands. The ocean has always been the most powerful majestic force on this earth, and other celestial bodies of life have realized this simple fact too. 

November Feels

I got to say going out into the ocean November 21 of 2014, it is mighty cold out there. It was an irritating morning, lots of chop not a lot of good shape waves. I found myself getting irritated so quickly. The cool thing about it is I was able to catch a couple of waves I eased off my irritation a little bit and finally got into a rhythm. After that I decided I'd catch one more get out and head down south. And now it's 70° out in November. I don't exactly understand what's going on with the weather. I doubt that the majority of the world actually knows. All I can say is that this is not normal this is possibly detrimental to our ecosystem. As much as we enjoy 70° weather in November, I would prefer some colder times. I want to wear my pea coat. Here's to the snow, ice cold beer, and those beautiful jackets that make women look so wonderful in the winter time.

My type of cold

Sometimes we take the cold to mean sad and sorrowful times, where in reality it is a time when we get to sit close to the fire, drink coffee, warm up under the blanket, eat good food, and warm our hearts with the presences of the people loved the most. These cold times are a coming, but as long as you can drive that sadness, from lack of sunlight, away, nothing can touch the memories and bonds made in the cold. Yes, daylight lessens and night time hours increase, but we reminisce on stories from the past, stupid things we  have done with friends, even fabulous successes that never really saw light of day, because of your immersion in them at any given point in time. The cold gives us a time to step back from ourselves and out of ourselves and really get a look at what we have accomplished and the people we have surrounded ourselves with. Don't get me wrong, summer is fantastic and the beaches are always a pleasure, but getting warm around the bonfire with a nice beer, a few of your best mates, and some fun girls to keep conversation interesting, that is what I look forward to with the  coming of cold times, damn right. 

The Trip

3/4/14
New York is a city full of people looking for a rush. Everyone has that one thing, whether it is drugs, girls, running, reading, work, etc. I never in a hundred years thought that I would go to New York, even to check it out. Well it happened, and well I wasn't impressed, except for the subways systems. That shit is rad. $2.75 to ride from Astoria Queens to The World Trade Memorial. Cheap transport makes for a bustling economy. It may take some initial spending to get that transport into place, but after the years it will create opportunity unavailable to the old American way of being reliant on personal transportation.

Anyway, if you are a New Yorker this isn't meant to offend you and if it does, go fuck yourself. I have lived in California for half of my life and I am west coast through and through so that is why I didn't like New York. We all have preferences. 

I did meet a pretty bad ass server, she was nice, and we chatted about life and connected. She was of Asian decent, I would lean more towards Chinese or Korean. I should have gotten her number. I don't think sometimes.

All and all this trip has been mighty, wicked awesome. It has been damned cold though. I never imagined myself being in negative weather or just cruising the streets on foot in 18 degree weather. Someone is smart over here. Anyway, It was a learning experience throughout this two weeks and I must say I learned more about survival in this past week than I have, probably in my whole life.

Love who you are, be who you are, and live the life that makes you happy. Words I am starting to truly live by.

Thomas