From dirt, grows flowers

Never in my life have I expected grief or any type of pain to be a reoccuring thing, but it should be assumed I suppose. Ive never been good at handling these types of situations and I usually do the extreme in an attempt to get away from the feeling and its source.  I flee.  Im not sure why that is the case but it is my reaction and Im not sure why that is.

Ive never really understood the reaction I have towards certain situations and its just the way it goes. My life keeps on going and I dont know much about the reason I let things get to me, but it does. Maybe I care too much. Maybe I put my focus into things that dont deserve my attention. Who knows... I dont.

My life is an up and down type of flow and side to side for that matter. Ive never had full control, but who really does? I like to think I do, but again, its an illusion that we all enjoy. I miss things I shouldnt and I hate things I should miss... Its the human condition and there is not much we can do about unless we turn into to frogs.

Love, work, children, finances, travel, materialism, sex, alcohol, freedom. All of it is an illusion that we feed ourselves. None of it really is there or created we just like to trick ourselves into thinking that because there is nothing else that we can live for otherwise and that is a hard pill to swallow. We work, so much of our lives to do what, pay for the things we dont NEED. Food, shelter, water are needs. Comforts, education, entertainment are all wants... We can survive without.

Find what you live and do it full time. Be free to love and laugh and play and learn. Dont hold back, dont stiffle any part of yourself. Be good and keep on keeping on.

Peer Pressure and Alcohol

You never know the damage something can have until you have witnessed and analyzed the specifics of its destructive power yourself. The addage that absolute power corrupts absolutely comes to mind. Too much of something can usually be a bad thing. I speak most specifically to the destructive power of two things. Peer pressure and alcohol.

The promise of people liking you and wanting to spend more time around you can weaken your defenses, without you really knowing it. We all want to be liked and acknowledged for how great of individuals we think of ourselves to be. Peoples thinking of us, can drive us all to do irrational things and to put ourselves into situations that we would, in normal circumstances, try to avoid. Normally, you do not try to impress every stranger you see walking down the street, but when work dictates you conform to certain character traits to be one with the team, you do it, without thinking, unless you have already acknowledged the type of individual you already are. Sometimes the lost follow suit because there is no base line and they attach to anything that is easy.

Alcohol ties into this without skipping a beat. The social lubricant, I have also heard it mentioned. This "solution" is and has a true destructive force. I have faced this liquid demon myself and so have people I have known and loved. It is most dangerous when limits are not set for personal consumption. The safest way to consume is to set a personal limit each time you plan on going out to venues that serve these beverages. It doesnt have to be a number of drinks or a time constraint but a personal feeling. Especially, when around people you dont know. I have fought with alcoholism my whole adult life, and as we all do there are bumps in the road, with the understanding that with each bump I grow more in control and further from being out of control. Some people arent there. Some let the hook in the bottle decide there direction and decision making. This is a dangerous play, as alcohol will not lead you in a good direction, only down.

My point that I am trying to make is that if you are unaware of your personal capabilities or incapacities, decision making is an nearly impossible task to do properly because there is nothing guiding you. Taking control of peer pressure will alleviate the need for you to be liked by anyone and give you freedom and peace of mind in whatever situation you find yourself. Taking control of alcohol consumption will only help in the long run because of its ability to reduce decision making capacity and physical health will benefit from a more controled consumption.

These two methods of control can also make personal lives better because you do things for yourself but with the ability to see through these two forms of external control that are usually negative. It is choice, as is everything in life.

Im writing this from Hawaii at a time where a woman has chosen her newly made friends and work colleagues over me and I am feeling a cold shoulder and a lack of respect. Well, I made a decision and it blew up in my face. It happens, we cant always be right, but we can sure as hell try.